Sex in the age of Coronavirus

How? If you are single how do you date/hook up? Young people are already good at this. They text and video chat. Google hangout, FaceTime, Google chat, Snapchat, instagram, whats app, and others I probably don’t know about yet. Folks who are older need to learn. Search for dating apps for the over 50 crowd. From my research so far, Lumen is only hetero. When/if you set up a profile, don’t get too caught up in what you write and the pictures you pick. Write off the cuff, from your gut in the moment. You can always change it..

Sex from six feet away is tougher. There is always phone sex and video sex. You just have to make sure and trust that you aren’t being recorded. Reading to each other from erotic books is also nice. The series of books, Herotica are full of sexy stories of all types for women and men. Ageless Erotica is another book of stories. Holes of Holes is a strange, yet fun novel that can be read in bits and pieces.

If you want to meet in person, walking outside with a string about 7 feet long that you each hold on to either end works if you aren’t self quarentining. You can also meet while each person is in their car. Window to window six feet apart. Again, outside, definitely not in an enclosed garage.

If you want to maintain distance and want to do more than talk or send pics you can play games together while on a video chat.
Get the same board game and play each other. You will make your move then the other person will have to recreate your move on their board and vice versa. Chess, checkers, backgammon, even scrabble, etc work well. Traditional online games like words with friends are also good. You can download the 36 Questions app and do that over video chat too. 36 Questions is a great way to structure conversation for getting to know each other better.

That’s all for now. I’m thinking next post will be about pornography and masturbation.

Until then,

Ruth

The Erotic Mind

I bought a new book and it has got me thinking.

Jack Morin, the author of The Erotic Mind, talks about peak sexual experiences.  He posits that we don’t talk about this enough.  We, meaning, therapists, don’t ask about the good.  We focus on what’s not working; what about what has worked, or when it did work.  I like this.  Can we figure out what makes for great sex?  Can we reflect on those most erotic and sexy times?  Why were those times so different than our other sexual and romantic experiences?  If we can know for ourselves what the ingredients are for a peak erotic experience then we can mindfully seek them out.

It is so easy to focus on what isn’t working right.  I like Jack’s ideas, focus on what went well.  Maybe, sex or making love with another has never gone well.  Consider instead when it has gone well in your mind.  Or perhaps when you have been alone, pleasuring yourself.  Or what about that romantic movie aroused you and got you going?

Take some time.  Reflect on what you find erotic.  What makes you blush and smile?  Think about why.  Think about how you can add more of it into your sexual life with partner and or yourself.  Our sexual selves require nurturing and care.  Nurture your sexual self and you energize your life force and creativity.